When saying “no” isn’t that easy

So, I have been in the boat of saying “yes” to things I don’t really have time for. And it always ends with regret and/or frustration. You with me? Saying no is tough, especially when you’re a people pleaser (like 🙋‍♂️) or you just want to help out because you’d have loved the help if you were the one asking. But here’s the thing: you’re your own person with your own life and your own struggles/commitments. They’re important. Setting boundaries is crucial for taking care of yourself (and your surroundings) and avoiding overwhelm and frustration later on. ✅

But why is saying no so hard? And how can we get better at it? Hop on 🚌 and let’s explore this together.

Why saying no feels uncomfortable

Picture this: It’s Saturday afternoon, and you’re finally sitting down to take a break after a busy week 😮‍💨. Suddenly, you get a text from a friend asking if you can help them move some furniture. Without batting an eye, you respond with “Sure, I’ll be over in a bit!” But as you look around at your own messy house and unfinished to-do list, you realize you’re already overwhelmed 😶. Sound familiar?

For many of us, this is an impulsive response. We want to be helpful, avoid disappointing others, and sometimes we just get excited about new things. Combine all of that and saying “yes” just seems to be the easy way out. 🚶‍♀️

But what would be the result of choosing easy over hard in this case? You spread yourself too thin. You’ll most likely end up stressed, anxious, and not able to focus on what truly matters to feel better and accomplished. For those of us with ADHD, this can lead to even more stress and chaos. Fun fact: our brains excel on structure and clear priorities. But saying yes to everything will make it harder to manage your time and energy in a healthy way. If you’re someone who is already busy in their daily life, this is a recipe for disaster. 🌪️

Let’s get practical!

Delay your response

If you really struggle to say no on the spot, just say that you’ll get back to them. When the time has arrived, and you still want to say no, stick to a simple phrase like “Sorry, but I can’t commit to this right now.”

Get clear on your priorities

As mentioned before, we like to help people out. It’s in our nature, and I think it’s a beautiful thing 🫶. But as with everything, we have to be responsible with what we take on in our daily lives. If you get your priorities straight 📃, it’s easier for you to visualize what needs to be done and if the new commitment would fit in. So, write down what you need to do and prioritize them. Another tip would be to write down how long it would take you to finish these tasks ⏱️. Make it clear for yourself, and it will be easier to say no when you expect it to be difficult to commit.

Shift your mindset

Saying no isn’t selfish 🔥. It’s about respecting your time and energy. After all, you can’t pour from an empty ⛾. Especially when you have kids, a full-time job or other responsibilities. Your time and energy are invaluable, and how you use them can make or break your day (and even your well-being 🌱). Take care of you, so you’re able to take care of what’s important in your life. Make this into positive affirmations like “My time is valuable” and “It’s okay to prioritize myself” to make them your own and start believing in them. 💪

Answer the difficult questions

Next to the common reasons for having difficulty saying no, are there any other things that make you want to say yes as a first response? I’ve included some thought-provoking questions in this worksheet for those times when you want to dive deeper into specific situations. Each situation is different, so your answers might be different here and there.

I hope you’ll get some support from and help from these tips! What do you do when you want to say no? I’d love to hear from you in the comments. You’ve got this! 🌟

Until next time,

Maya